Wet and yucky
by Lord Yaulendil
Summary: A zombie and a hanyou in a basement. AU. Consider it a crackfic.


**Wet and yucky**

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A/N: I honestly don't know why I started to ship this in the first place, but I did, and since there were no fics, I decided to write my own. There, you have it.

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'Naraku! Are you there?' Jakotsu's voice was accompanied by light footsteps as he descended the stairs, entering the cellar. Before the summoned one lifted his heavy eyelids and cleared his throat to answer, Jakotsu was already downstairs. 'Kagura told me you'd be—' He gasped loudly. 'Naraku! What happened to you?!'

His shock was understandable, for there, hanging right before him, was Naraku's disembodied head. Well, not entirely disembodied. Below it there was a tangled mass of… objects, mostly tubular in shape, the sickening shades of pink and blue. Ones that the mercenary had seen many times in his life, except usually cut neatly in half. Among them he could easily recognise a segment of spine, clean and ghastly white.

'Jakotsu.' The hanyou looked at the unexpected guest, drops of omnipresent moisture glistening on his lashes and cheeks. He smiled his usual smile. 'It's all right, I'm just in the routine process of reshaping my body.'

'Oh!' Jakotsu was visibly relieved. 'I thought something's happened to you. So that's how it looks like…' He took a moment to gaze with fascination at the surroundings. Chitin, scales and spikes, pincers, tentacles, arachnid legs and slimy things that most certainly shouldn't be found on the *outside* of any healthy creature, everything pulsating slightly as some unholy fluids circulated underneath.

'And what could possibly happen to me? It is _I_ , Naraku, who _happen_ to people,' the hanyou's tone was slightly patronising, but Jakotsu was used to it.

'Yeah, like you happened to Sesshomaru back then,' he replied.

'Inuyasha told you that?' Naraku frowned slightly.

'With details.'

'Figures,' he sighed.

'So…' Jakotsu spoke after a brief pause. 'I don't exactly get this youkai stuff yet. Do you want me to leave you alone now?'

'Hm? Oh, no. You're welcome to stay as long as you wish,' Naraku assured him. 'If my current state doesn't, hm. Upset you too much,' he added.

'Upset?' Jakotsu blinked, then smiled. 'Aww…'

He crossed the short distance between them (treading carefully not to step on any part of the hanyou's body). 'C'mere.' He took Naraku's head in his hands and, to Naraku's slight puzzlement, kissed his cheek. 'Why would I be upset? Everyone looks like shit some days. And it's not like you didn't warn me.'

'Like sh—' Naraku blinked. Occasionally he'd still be surprised by Jakotsu's straightforwardness. 'Well. I'm glad you don't mind it,' he said, his expression softening. A tentacle emerged from unnamable depths, and gently brushed a strand of hair off Jakotsu's face.

'Ew,' the younger man said, smirking, not trying to avoid the caress.

'So, is there any part of you that's not wet and yucky? I don't want to sit on the stone,' he demanded.

 _'Yucky_ I'm being called by a pile of rotting bones that I found under a rock,' Naraku commented, amused. 'How about this?'

Some monstrous shapes were moved aside, uncovering what resembled a belly of a big snake; it was relatively dry and soft, and, given the circumstances, looked quite inviting. After a quick glance Jakotsu climbed on top of it.

'Much better… Hey—!' As soon as he was there, a full set of hairy spider limbs embraced him from behind, making him jump with a start. And then nod with a sigh.

'Ah. Just as I suspected, you just wanted to eat me all along.'

'In more than one way,' the hanyou eagerly agreed. 'Or two, for that matter…'

As one of the spider legs brushed against Jakotsu's bare thigh, he shuddered. Had he known the word "ambivalent", he probably would've used it to describe his feelings upon the sensation. He licked his lips.

'I'm not gonna resist you. Much,' he promised.

'…but that's a subject for tomorrow,' Naraku finished.

'Hmph. Tease.'

'Now, _I_ am a tease?'

The conversation continued in similar manner for a while before skipping to other, more mundane subjects. That day Naraku, busy with trying out new horrors, was mostly listening to the mercenary's anecdotes. It was often like this. Jakotsu was good at talking, Naraku was good at listening. Sometimes they would switch and the former would be doing his best to catch up with the latter's diabolical schemes and not yawn too ostensibly. Somehow, despite their differences, those two felt very comfortable around each other.

'So we traded and I got a whole bag of ninja snacks. I've brought them here, maybe the incarnations will leave some for you,' Jakotsu said, watching a shape resembling a mantis' arm appear for a moment before melting back into formless mass, while in a small distance something eel-like fell on the ground and was disintegrated into dust.

'Anyway, I'm packing them and Inuyasha's like, try this one, it's good. It wasn't. It was dry, powdery and weird, but I was really hungry, so I ate the whole cup. And then this asshole grins and says: y'know, this soup's much better when you add some water to it!'

'You really should move in with us,' Naraku advised. 'When Byakuya serves you some food, you know for certain that it's terrible and it will stay terrible.'

Time went by. It got late, and the monotonous pulsation of Naraku's body made Jakotsu dozy. Eventually, he took a nap in the fuzzy embrace of spider legs.

He woke up not long before dawn to the view of Kanna standing motionless above him, the mirror in her hands. He was wrapped in fluffy white fur, lying on his back with his head on Naraku's lap. The hanyou was playing absently with his lover's hair. Jakotsu shifted his position so he was able to look at him. Naraku, who had assumed his usual form, glanced at him briefly before resuming his observation of some people shown to him by Kanna's mirror. Despite not knowing those folks, the mercenary could easily tell from Naraku's smirk that their lives will very soon become a living hell.

He decided to go back to sleep.

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Disclaimer: InuYasha isn't mine.  
English isn't my first language, so please let me know about any errors if you can spot.


End file.
